I was walking my dog Nelson yesterday in the park and I became aware that I was automatically walking towards a usual spot where I’ve been loads of times before with him.
Somehow Nelson managed to get my attention. He kept running towards me and then running to the left and staring at me, and then running back and forth. I thought, ‘Oh right, he wants to go that way! He wants to decide today!’
So, I followed him. And he looked so pleased, bless him.
He took me to an area we don’t often go to, where we had a beautiful view over a lake and were surrounded by stunning autumnal orange and red leaved trees. Ok, so Nelson had no romantic reason for this change of scenery and clearly just wanted to sniff duck shite near said lake, but never the less, I had a greater view over the whole park from this vantage point and I loved it.
And as I gazed out from this spot, a reflection presented itself to me of my childhood. It was this…
I did TRY to give little hints and nudges to my mum about what I wanted to do when I grew up and I what I liked. I loved animals and I was very caring and sensitive as a child. I loved drawing and writing stories too. I mentioned many things I wanted to do and to be, but they fell by the wayside. My poor mum had no formal education after the age of 14 and had struggled her whole life in low paid, very physically tiring and stressful jobs, so to my mum, happiness meant working in an office in a ‘proper’ job, in a suit. And since she wasn’t able to do that, I had to. As it would make me (or her??) happy.
So, I started to think of impressive jobs, glamorous jobs, well paid jobs where I could be like other successful and happy people. Like my mum told me.
At 12 years old I remember somebody’s mum asking me in the village shop what I wanted to do when I was older. I said I wanted to be a PR Executive. I said it very proudly. She asked, “Oh? What’s that? “
I remember feeling deep shame in that moment. I went bright red. I didn’t know what it was. She looked at me amused and walked out of the shop, leaving me to numb my sense of shame and embarrassment in a packet of salt & vinegar crisps, oh and a snickers bar.
(side note – food was already being used at a very young age to bury uncomfortable emotions I had no understanding of).
“We acquire ‘ways’ without even knowing that we are doing so; they are like the air we breathe. Not knowing that our behaviour is governed by these ‘ways’, we often do not see the need for change – even when such ways become dysfunctional and threaten the survival of our lives.”
Often, we can find ourselves in our 30’s and 40’s thinking what the &%$# is going on?
Why am I doing this job, I HATE this job. Why did I even go to uni? I learned %$#@ all at uni and still haven’t even paid off my student loan which I spent in bars, 3am snack bars and Tescos.
Why are these people my friends? I don’t even enjoy my time with them…
We start to wake up to that little voice inside because it starts to get louder.
That little voice starts screaming in the pillow and is angry and frustrated and bruised and used and wants to cry and tell that Carol, one of the mums in the school playground, to go and %$#@ herself.
So, what IS going on?
We have inherited belief systems from our parents, society and culture and have hidden our true selves and therefore our truth until now. We had to. To make people happy. To conform, to be accepted and to be ‘good.’ To ‘not cause trouble’ aka tell the truth (!) We learned to look outside ourselves. And it’s not anybody’s fault. Our parents had to do it too. More often than not, we are living life based on the fears of our parents. We are living other people’s lives, not our own.
We can keep living somebody else’s life and suffering. OR we can decide to dig deep inside ourselves and take on the most exciting excavation project our own wee world has ever seen.
To be unearthed is your true self, your truth and the exciting start of your authentic path.
I am grateful that Nelson made me go a different way. I gained a different perspective, a greater awareness of the validity of another’s truth rather than my own, yes, even little Nelson’s. And I got to write this.
After reading this, perhaps you might find it helpful to grab a pretty book with some flowers on the cover or something to that effect ( 😉 ) and journal about what comes up for you after having read this article?
The belief systems of your family have literally created your life. So what beliefs are they? Can you examine them in-order to see that they are not actually true? What might be truer, for you? This questioning of your absorbed belief system can help massively to shift and change your life. When I did this work on myself, I felt so much lighter, more free and quite frankly, relieved!
Here are just a few examples of inherited beliefs I lived with and started to break down in my own life in my mid 30’s:
“Look how the other half live.” This made me believe that wealth was for others and they lived differently than me.
“Oh cover yourself up.” The body was something to be embarrassed about, to be ashamed of and being comfortable and free in it, was not ‘done.’
“You need to get on a diet. No man likes a fat woman. ” I had to be thin to be accepted and ‘get’ a man and be on constant diets.
I also absorbed such beliefs as
– Having a generous heart and being sensitive is painful as you get taken for granted and hurt
– Life is a struggle
– Marriage is hard work and involves lots of arguments and fighting
– Honesty will cause arguments. Far better to say and do what others think is best and right.
The list is endless to be honest, and when you have gone through in depth and picked apart these beliefs you start to have ‘ah ha moment’ after ‘ah ha moment’ of why you might not be living your life as your authentic self.
Self – inquiry helps growth and transformation massively.
I hope you enjoy finding out more about what you hold to be true, break it down, or even dissolve it and see what is truer, for you.
If you found this article helpful, then please leave me a comment below, or please share…
It is my mission to help in awakening as many people to their truth as is possible. We are all such beautiful people with huge hearts, and we deserve to be happy! But we can’t do that unless we wake up to ourselves first. Any help with spreading information that may assist others would be greatly appreciated…
Love, Sarah xxx